Curt Cronin (00:00)
Welcome to making the Impossible inevitable podcast. This show's for those who see progress as a calling, not just a choice hosted by former Navy SEAL and transformational guide, Curt Cronin. Each episode explores the mindset strategies and stories of extraordinary leaders who've turned the impossible into reality. These episodes are more than just conversations. They're a challenge to you to expand your capacity, shatter inner limitations and lead with unshakable purpose together.
Let's make the impossible inevitable.
Curt Cronin (00:35)
Hello everyone. Welcome to
to inevitable podcast today. I'm ecstatic to be able to share an unbelievable field with you today with, with my dear friend, Kyle and Negrete , and Kyle and I met virtually, I think in the pandemic, it feels like lifetimes ago and yesterday and we dropped into a conversation and, I was working at the time on how do I get to the 100 percent conversation? How do I get deeper? And I was looking him up to see, you know, his context and background and it his linkedin started with curiosity is a superpower.
And was like, this is going to be a deep drop. And from that conversation, it expanded across a visit to Austin and then to where he now resides in Franklin, Tennessee. So I'm unbelievably excited to be able to share with you Kyle's journey of making the impossible the inevitable.
Kyle (01:21)
Well, Curt, I'm so honored to be here, my brother. In fact, it was the day that I'll never forget. was February 9th, 2023, the day where β life as I knew it had changed because I had found a co-conspirator. And so I'm honored to share this sacred space with you and just ready to dive in. Let's belly flop into this thing.
Curt Cronin (01:48)
Well, I'm so excited because this is one of those, I have no idea where it's going to go. You have so many stories of converting the impossible to the inevitable. Where do you feel called to start sharing your story today?
Kyle (01:51)
Thank you.
β well, first, I just want to say what life and pause the impossible things. I remember it actually came up in our, in our first conversation, our, our first deep drop of you, talking about impossible things becoming inevitable. And that's because you have someone that believes in you. think that the character arc of my journey has been that there is power in proximity and I am a function.
and byproduct of the amazing people in my life that β have chosen to not allow me to live an ordinary life. And so that has been the character arc of the journey. It started first very early on β with a lot of my childhood being centered around my mother being sick. β My mother was a fighter. She
died of breast cancer when I was 12 and I'm the oldest of three. I was raised in a hyper competitive, very loving family. And, and it was there where I began to experience what life was like, what love actually meant. And as I have grown, I've realized that loss is actually what gives love meaning. But in, in, that early kind of teenage years,
β You talk about the dark night of my own soul, β experiencing grief. remember my mom had the privilege of going home β in our living room and the home that I was raised in. And I was there when she took her last breath. And to experience death with someone that you loved the most was a really interesting β
captivating. β
and soul defying moment. And I realized right after she had passed away, we're just going right in here. β She, as I mentioned, died in the comfort of our home on our living room sofa. And shortly after she died, went in, β I grabbed a pillow off the sofa that she was on and I went into the fetal position in the living room and I remember just grabbing that pillow and slamming that pillow in my face.
rage, anger, confusion, sadness, but also felt like, mom, mom's no longer sick. She's no longer in pain. And I remember in that moment, and this has shaped this entire journey that I've been on is there was in that moment of rage, there was no one who came to comfort me. And so I like to say I received a PhD in self-sufficiency at 12th. β
We're talking 30 seconds after my mom died, this chip on my shoulder that when shit hit the fan, the only person that I could double down on, the only person that I could trust is myself. And I have spent β the last 23 years trying to rip up that PhD certificate. And it has been quite the journey.
Curt Cronin (05:24)
Yeah, I don't remember where I heard it first, to be seen, heard, or understood by one other person changes everything. And I remember the first time he told me that story about feeling like you were alone and no one came to comfort you and the...
from really the searing aloneness, almost fear or that... β
that felt like it transcended from that moment. And then the incredible desire to build all of your superpowers for achievement, but all of those, then an armor for I'm alone.
Kyle (05:51)
It absolutely did. Yeah, it absolutely did.
Yeah, it was all a defense mechanism against pain and suffering. And so what I had spent, what I've spent a lot of my life doing is becoming everything that I wish that I had when I was at that age. And I also, I want to say this too. I really want to honor my dad because my dad was in the room and my dad was there with me. He's still my best friend. And we've been, we have been Batman and Robin since 12.
β and so I want to, I want to honor him because he had already, in his grief and his loss, he had to do all the admin things, β that no man should have to do at his age to watch the person that he loved the most. And so I say there was no one there to comfort me. It was, it was in that moment. but I really feel, I want to just, I want to honor my dad too, cause my dad was doing the best that he could with the tools that he had at the time that he had them.
β And so if my, hope, hopefully I can't wait to send this to my dad after this goes live. But I really want to just take a moment to honor my dad because β I could not imagine being in that position and in that place and having to make the decisions that he had to do. Someone who just loved the hell out of his wife till the very end and did everything that he could to ensure that she was comfortable β as she crossed over. And my dad did that and then some.
Curt Cronin (07:27)
And the most important is we share the deepest experiences. They are our experiences. They aren't necessarily everyone's experience or anyone's intent. It is the experience that we had in that moment. I can imagine from the image you give me of this, this white-hot moment of, I've lost my mom.
Kyle (07:48)
Yeah, it's really strong, Curt, and really what it feels like when we talk about how this has shaped the rest of my life, I have realized that we as human beings are so attracted to people who mimic that unresolved trauma, that egoic self, that shadow self, because we mistake familiarity with attraction.
And for me, this is what has always heightened the stakes in relationships that I have entered both romantically and just in friendship. Because the idea is that people only want me because of what I can do for them. And I will tell you, I know how to show up for people. You yourself, you're talking like chaos, sign me up. Guns shooting.
Curt Cronin (08:45)
Well, and I've my
life, my life as a human doer. I had no idea what it was to be a human being. I've shared with you, when my mentor, Tom Crum, Sensei Tom Crum first asked me, Curt, do you meditate? I'm like, Sensei, I'm so busy, I don't have time to sit and talk to myself because I literally believed the only value that I provided was that which I provided to others. There was no internal value, intrinsic as a human being.
Kyle (09:19)
Yeah, it's really true. That human doing element, right? That it was actually in the loss of losing my mom. The narrative that I told myself is I lost all safety. I lost all security. I lost all trust. And that the only way my needs were going to be met was going to be by my own doing. By my own achieving. By...
β my own fighting and That the violence that I felt in my own heart that that grief that egoic self to say man, not only do I feel like I can't trust anybody else I don't want to trust anybody else because I have this incredible ability of this bias towards action I don't know about you, but I love predictable outcomes but I love predictable outcomes my man and
Curt Cronin (10:12)
Absolutely.
Kyle (10:18)
I think God has this massive sense of humor because β I feel like every other day I'm getting dealt a hand that I didn't ask for. And it's been that journey of saying what is unfolding. It's this beautiful way of creation of this death and rebirth, this cycle of what parts of my life need to die in order for something new to be reborn. And it's just been this constant rebirth cycle of
of understanding what, what, what in my life no longer serves me. What do I need to purge? β because I don't want to take on a responsibility. That's not mine. One of the things that I've, I've been very consciously aware of is I don't want to set up a base camp on a mountain that I was never meant to summit. And I have spent a lot of my time setting up base camp in places that I, that was not mine to do.
And that's what I love. You've been so encouraging in my life of what is the thing that you were meant to do. And yeah.
Curt Cronin (11:24)
Well, we just
touched on high agency, which you absolutely embody. And our dear friend, Matt, sent us that incredible article on high agency and the three critical aspects of that. The bias to action, disagreeability, or I would call it adjudability, the ability to vibrate from the status quo, and clear thinking, i.e. independent thinking. Like, hey, does this feel intuitively?
intuitively right and said I love that concept because I can when he sent us that I can almost trace everything that I've screwed up has been giving up my agency and and All the things that have gone powerfully had been the ability to hold those three. Yeah in dynamic tension
Kyle (12:07)
100%. And that is the part I hate to break it to you, but change is inevitable. Chaos is inevitable. I got good news. Change is coming. Change is coming. So how we choose to engage with the change that's inevitable says a lot about what we value. And a lot of my journey, Curt, as you know, better than, better than probably anyone is this idea around becoming an active participant.
actively engaged in our own, in our own story and our own mission. And so often as, as I, in my journey of growing up, it was so much easier for me to abdicate the responsibility of showing up for myself. let, I always like to say, let people, places and things audition for the role that I was always meant to play in my life. And I was not the main character in my, in my own story. And as we've talked about, we get one race around this flipping track. What are we doing? So that journey and then.
Curt Cronin (12:55)
you
Kyle (13:04)
That journey of becoming fully integrated, becoming fully engaged with, with my own life, Curt, with your own life to get off the sidelines of our own stories and in the game takes a lot of guts and a lot of courage. but in that, that journey is through all the portals of the dark night of the own soul of our own soul to say, what is the thing that I meant to do? Let's go, let's go do that thing. And that's what I love.
is every time I'm around you, it's like you toss a shirt that's two sizes too big and you're like, Kyle, this is for you in this season and you give me something to grow into. And that's where I like to say that power of proximity. When you get around people who are running or sprinting in areas where you feel like you're crawling, right? Those are the people, that's where impossible things become inevitable. Because Curt, if it's true for you, it could be true for me. If it's true for Kyle, it could be true for a listener here.
And that's this beautiful journey of what it means to be in proximity to the co-conspirators.
Curt Cronin (14:07)
And by the time I'd met you, you were a nuclear reactor of energy and abundance and interdependence, right? made the, all my teens are now going from dependence, they're fighting for independence, largely that aloneness that, I'm now separate from that you talked about. you tell everyone how, here's the journey you made to interdependence. How did you cross from instantly I'm alone into now where I'm in communitas?
Kyle (14:36)
Yeah, well, I will say, I feel like I'm in that every single day. β That in the, I had a bias towards independence first, right? So that was called 12. And then it was an interesting journey of having to fight and live into the codependent realm where interdependence is obviously the sweet spot. But I found that early on, because I assumed,
β Some of the parenting responsibilities right in some capacity I I'd like to say I became for myself what I I didn't have which is a hyper independent realm and narrative that I was telling myself β I It reinforced a few narratives. The first narrative is I can only depend on myself Second narrative is everyone's going to leave when something bad happens or when crisis comes
And third is I'm too much to handle. And so interdependence has been me re-engaging with those three narratives. Because I told myself, if I'm enough, someone would actually desire to be on my team and stay. Come on. That's all you got? I need, I, I'm thankful, Curt, that you're one of those friends. Like that's it. Come on. Right. You act as that mirror.
Then I have to tell myself, if I am inherently worthy, then someone couldn't imagine life without me. Right? Because we live in such a disposable world. And then lastly is if I wasn't too much, right? I'd find someone who would match my pace, would match my engagement with life. And so the interdependence realm and arc has been rather than trying to outsource that to somebody else.
It's actually becoming all three of those narratives and tackling that narrative myself in my heart, in my mind, and in my conscious first. Where I am not driven by someone's outcome or someone's movement towards me. Faith, hope, and joy is an inside job. And I spent my whole life outsourcing what I was always intended to be for myself. And I'm actually in that right now. I mean, I'm talking full send.
Curt Cronin (17:02)
think we all are.
Kyle (17:04)
right now is I have realized that a lot of emotions, whether it's loneliness, whether it's β desiring to have a witness, whether it's someone to simply celebrate me, whether it's someone that wants to just sit with me in the muck, β but call me higher. I have found that because I have such amazing people in proximity to me, rather than going on that sacred, scary,
journey inward and processing my own nervous system and regulating my own nervous system. I oftentimes would just outsource it to my friends and I got the greatest group of friends around and the journey that I'm on right now and what I feel like the invitation is is Kyle, do not outsource this. I want you to go on. I want you to go inward first. Once you go inward,
then you can process amongst your friends, but I want you to go there first. And that is scary, my man. It feels like such liminal space. Because it's so much easier. I'm going through a hard thing. Wow, I have Curt to call. First call. When something good, something bad goes, Curt, I can call you. And so I'm in this space of getting really comfortable with being with myself.
I want to really enjoy myself. And my life is so chaotic and it's filled with the most amazing light warriors around. But I don't want to let busyness lead to barrenness in my own soul. And I don't say that to sound cute or poetic. But I oftentimes have let busyness β end up in barrenness and I don't want to be found that way.
Curt Cronin (18:52)
No, I love it. As I experienced it, just came off of a trip to Montana with my accountability group that's 15 years in the making. And it was the most impactful session that I have had in 15 years because I got more naked than I've ever done before, right? Because I realized that that which I don't share, like a lot of my feelings of separateness was, they love me for who they think I am, but they don't actually know who I am.
And the ability to, when I hear you say, you know, do the own work, when I, the ability to say, hey, here's who I am, here's all my deepest, darkest fears, here's all my concerns. And then to be held in that space, all of a sudden, just speaking those fears that I've never spoken before, the instant they're spoken, you can tell, that's hogwash, right? That's ridiculous. And even as you speak the spell into existence, like you can feel its power vanish. And all of a sudden, now,
from a clean place, we are in communitas. We are in community because you know my flaws and I know yours. I know the dyadic journey with my wife has been the most fascinating 23 journey. I would have never, ever guessed what it was to be married person when we got married because the ability to say, I'm in no matter what shows up and what happens, like I'm in. And completely changes, has changed the dynamic of my entire life.
And I realized all of my aloneness was in my creation of separateness by not being fully authentic and genuine.
Kyle (20:27)
It's it's so true and that That for me has been that shadow ego work, right? Because my ego feels like this β massive vigilant guard That's trying to just protect me protect me from from things that are not familiar and I have found and I don't want to just single out men but I have found this more in men than I have women and this has been my
Curt Cronin (20:40)
Hypervigilance, yes, that's how I experience it, yes.
we can speak
from more direct experience.
Kyle (20:58)
Yes.
Yes. I will speak from my experience as a man. I love the Brene Browns of the world. I love this β journey. mean, she's just, her work is...
Curt Cronin (21:07)
He's amazing.
Kyle (21:13)
has really helped shape the way that I handle conflict. And when I think about vulnerability and honesty, I think we have completely missed the boat and missed the mark. What I like to say is honesty is telling the truth after the fact and vulnerability is telling the truth on the way. Because
Curt Cronin (21:38)
I love it. Time bound.
Kyle (21:42)
We as men, I think we as humans, but I would say myself as a man.
I have masked vulnerability. I have called honesty vulnerability. The only reason why it felt vulnerable is because I got caught. So I was actually just telling the truth after the fact. Vulnerability is actually telling, like vulnerability isn't vulnerability unless it costs you something. And so Curt, when you're talking about this trip that you had to Montana, that's vulnerable. You are actually giving the gift.
of here are my busted up parts. You're not being asked questions simply to say here is where I'm at. But that beautiful ability to have the psychologically and emotionally safe environments to say I am busted up, I'm coming in crispy, I'm coming in hot, here are the things that I'm wrestling with and I'm not gonna be judged, I'm gonna actually be cared for and celebrated is the most beautiful part of life.
And then to also β model, Curt, what I have found, I had a conversation last night as I've realized, and this has been really hard for me. Most, a lot of people don't want to change. A lot of people are actually really comfortable in the status quo. And so I have found β a lot of, a lot of folks don't, they actually don't want to change. And so me, I have found myself getting really frustrated in relationships, Curt, with
offering advice with people who actually didn't want to change. And so I've made it a rule now, I will not speak unless spoken to in terms of advice or speaking into a situation unless I'm asked, because oftentimes people do not want to get better. And I also have found, and I love storytelling, I love imagery. A lot of my life, Curt, has been spent rescuing people.
That hero, savior, rescuer complex is one that I feel too comfortable in. It's a part of the identity that I'm shedding in this season. Because what would happen is, β for illustration purposes, someone would be on the dock, they could hardly swim, they jump into the water. Kyle, come to the rescue. I grab them, I get them on shore, I turn my back, and then I find someone.
struggling in the water again and I realized it's the same person. I get them on shore again, they get off the dock, boom. And I just I found myself over and over again that that victim mentality, that victimhood, that lower level of living. People want to be rescued and I found I find a lot of joy in being the rescuer. And I heard this on a I heard this in a small clip I don't remember what probably six months ago and the person asked do you know at the US Coast Guard who they're taught to
to throw the rope to in a rescue. They said the person swimming towards the rope, person swimming towards the helicopter. I was like, shoot, that's it. My whole life has been trying to rescue people who weren't swimming towards the helicopter. And I don't wanna live that way. Because it's exhausting.
Curt Cronin (25:09)
Taking on the hero, by definition, robs them of the ability to be their own hero. That's the fun part. How do we now put kindling around to allow when there's a spark to be fully supported, knowing that each person is their own spark?
So you provided one aspect of your journey. One of the ones that's fascinating to me, it just is a physical embodiment, is, you know, can you tell us your football story?
Kyle (25:38)
yeah, football story was fun. You know, was, was, β born and raised in Fresno, California, right? Had dreams, aspirations of, you know, playing football at the, the highest level. And, β unfortunately a couple of weeks before, for signing day, my, my senior year of high school, was in a really terrible car accident and it was a Friday night and I was over at a family friend's house. β I had, I had.
I had a casual dinner. I just want to be clear, no drugs or alcohol. β And mom woke me up at 1130, said, you know, we don't want your dad getting mad at us. It's time to get home. And long story short, doctors say that I fell asleep at the will on the way home. And that's where things got really, really ramped up. was, had some...
The extent of my injuries was expansive. β know, there were a couple of days there where I don't remember. Yeah.
Curt Cronin (26:42)
I it's important to
share the first call that the paramex gave over the radio.
Kyle (26:47)
Yeah, there might be
young teenager dead in a truck. Jaws of life to get me out. And it was a wild journey. First thing I remember is being told you might not play football again, in which my sisters tell the funny story of, you know who the F I am? So that was a fun journey. Yeah.
Curt Cronin (27:13)
The story that you told the doctor.
Kyle (27:16)
Yeah. β and yeah. And so Curt, you know, it was, was really, really tough. You know, we are in a small, small town and, we, you know, was fairly well known in our, in our small town, you know, was raised in a, in a, in a football family. My, grandfather, β was the, was the head coach at Fresno state. so the, my mom, bear the name, β Sweeney. β and so Sweeney was, β was a very important, β name.
And my grandfather helped shape the Central Valley around football. No dogs down, as they say. β I had to take on that mentality β of no dogs down. long story short, it was a really, really tough rehab. Right here I was, senior year, had all these aspirations of playing
Division One football, and it was all stripped away from me. And I remember thinking, wow, I had built my whole life on this, as I talked about, this defense mechanism against pain. β I had a lot of success as an 18-year-old. β You name it, I did it. And it was all stripped away, and here I was.
right, sleeping on the recliner of our living room, β in our living room, having to spend β my senior semester, senior spring semester, sleeping on a, on a, on a recliner. Never thought that that was β going to be a part of my story, Curt. But as, as I, as I mentioned, really had this miraculous recovery. β And I got, I got an opportunity, you know, when all the other things were stripped away.
had an opportunity to, for someone to take a chance on me and, β coach, Mooshagian, coach Moose, down at the university of San Diego, β where you're, you're very, accustomed to, β would see, would see all the boys training in Coronado. And, β he took a chance and, had the opportunity of going down and playing at the university of San Diego and, had a, had a great couple of years.
Curt Cronin (29:30)
So.
Kyle (29:44)
Down there but said I want to I Want to live a meaningful life. I want to chase these dreams. This is the thing that I was meant to do and so sit my tape around and crazy stories of miracle after miracle after miracle and I got an opportunity β to play at one of the most prestigious colleges in the United States β Southern Cal, baby fight on and so USC took a chance on me coach Baxter
another Fresno connection and and it was wild so I I grew up β football basketball baseball, but then played football and baseball my my really towards the latter end of my of my high school career and And here we were this this was my this was my shocker and so then I I grew up playing strong safety outside linebacker
and then had back surgery after my sophomore season, which again, it's like, are you kidding me? I have this crazy life-defining car accident. I have a miraculous healing. I then have to get elbow surgery after my freshman year. I then have to get back surgery after my sophomore year. And then I just double down on punting.
And then I was the starting punter and got to play in front of 100,000 people while we're on probation because of Reggie Bush at USC and just got to spoil everyone's season because we had nothing to play for but our egos and just had a blast. And it was one of the most unique, awesome β experiences of my life.
Curt Cronin (31:28)
And then where from there? It didn't end there.
Kyle (31:32)
Then I went to a training camp with the Bears, which was an incredible experience. β So I did that, ended up getting cut. Then I studied finance and entrepreneurship at USC. β And then from there, Curt, I went and worked in investment banking at Blackstone in New York City. could tell you any young β guy from Fresno, β my last thought would be I would end up working for.
one of the most prestigious firms in New York City and just had a ton of fun. What I didn't know, Curt, is how much I needed a hyper competitive environment. Are you talking about working the 90 to 100 hours a week, four meals a day at the desk? I mean, was game on every single day. But I realized, Curt, fairly early on, but probably about the year and a half mark, I was surrounded by
people who were just absolutely miserable with their lives. They were spending money that they hated to earn to impress people they didn't even like. They were making every excuse not to be present with their spouse and kids. And I said, is not the life that was intended for me. And so as we've talked about, one of the character arcs of our journeys, we've always ran towards the thing that scared us the most. At this point, like, I need to be engaged. I need to do something with my life.
And so the outcome of that discovery was moving to Haiti and partnering with a couple of friends and adopting 12 kids. And I ended up moving to Haiti and β that's a story for a whole other day. We didn't need a whole podcast just to share the war stories β in my, in my time in Haiti, but it really was my time in, in Haiti, Curt, where we talk about.
We talk about the need to have a space to know ourselves and to engage with ourselves in a meaningful way. My life up until that point has been, had been so chaotic. The demands on my life were at an all time high. busyness was rampant. I lived, β by, β I lived by every calendar notification. β and I was on the hamster wheel.
And I was sent to Haiti to redeem and restore my life. And it was there. We're talking, I don't want to manipulate the conversation, but we didn't have electric, you know, we only had electricity when the government decided to flip the switch. I got to sleep on a roof for almost two years. And it was there where I got to do the real deep work. And I feel like I was too stubborn to slow down.
Slowing down for me is a lost art form. So if you have a playbook for slowing down, please send it my way, because I'm still on my journey of discovery of what it means to be alone with myself. Please, please send.
Curt Cronin (34:40)
Please someone send to both of us. But let's not miss, I talk about how
you ended up running an orphanage.
Kyle (34:48)
Yeah, β it was, β so I had two really good friends, two brothers, actually three brothers. β And it simply came down to what is the thing that we were meant to do? Went to β a Haitian orphanage and β it was one of the most inhumane.
Scenarios and settings that I'd ever seen believe there were 123 kids there Kids had need and since Wednesday morning. We were there on a Saturday afternoon and When we talk about impossible things becoming inevitable it was that that setting that situation demanded that we that we do something different and so We packed our truck with the kids that were in the worst shape
brought him home, found a space, created a space, and just figured it out by any means necessary. And thankfully where we were in Haiti, we were able to stand up a staff fairly quickly. And β so there were poverty orphans. Well, many of them were. So that is a challenge in the developing world, not only in Haiti, but around the world.
Curt Cronin (36:00)
Why were they orphans?
Kyle (36:12)
that there are many parents that out of their desperation, right, out of their longings say, I want to provide a better future, a better life for my kids. And if that means I can essentially give over my kids to be able to go to school, eat three meals a day, have access to water whenever they want, I'm going to do it. I'm not a parent myself yet. It's a deep desire for me.
But I cannot imagine being forced into a situation to again have to outsource that role that that parent could have played, but circumstantially could not. And.
Impossible things had to become inevitable there and it was inevitable for us to do the thing that we were meant to do in that moment and I am so proud of the way that our group stewarded the beautiful lives of the kids that we were entrusted with and the the kids lives of the of a village we started serving of the schools that we were a part of Because right now as you know Curt
Haiti is an utter dis- it's pure anarchy right now. I actually don't even think you can get in on a flight. I don't think they have flights in country.
Curt Cronin (37:40)
But don't bury the lead. Where did those kids end up and how?
Kyle (37:44)
Yep, those kids ended up in many places back home where they belong.
because we decided to do things different and we decided to create unconventional paths to professional wages for the kids. We partnered with a coding school and after 14 months, we got these kids back home where they belonged. And a lot of these families have been relocated.
up to Cap Haitian so they're safe. They're out of Port-au-Prince. But it was a really beautiful journey. And, you know, I like to say, Curt, it's been fun to, you know, I've always felt like an entrepreneur, but looking back at that time there, was like, oh, I actually, didn't give, we didn't give ourselves enough credit for the things that we did. And, but really, I would say selfishly, Haiti, for me, Curt, was a journey.
for me to discover myself in ways that the life that I was living the life that I was running could have could have never exposed and Two years. I wish everyone had the opportunity of going to a place β Maybe not Haiti. I probably I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend it but To get alone with yourself with your heart. What's the thing that you were intended to do and let's go do that thing and Haiti was monumental
in terms of a redirection of becoming, again, an active participant in my own story.
Curt Cronin (39:26)
comment one of the things I wanted the audience to be able to hear see hear and understand is so you're born in amazing gift of born into this incredible family age 12 your mother's taken from you so not enough you know get to be the football star train work work change studying prepare yourself football star accident nearly killed nearly paralyzed as I recall like where they thought you were paralyzed at me
miraculous recovery, get to be the star on a college football team in a new role, get to the NFL, like, you know, politics get cut from that quote, not enough, right? So, you know, it's, it's fascinating from inside the frame of you share with me, Hey, now I'm the star at BlackRock. It's taken from you in a way of, this isn't my calling. The courage that buys to action say this isn't my calling. So, so easy from an app from inside, as you've told me this story to be like, Hey,
not quite enough, not quite enough, not quite enough, not quite enough. From outside, I would trade any one of those in any one lifetime and you've already had 10, right? And we've only just begun, not even to your current story. And I think that's the thing that causes things to be impossible for all of us is that sense of not enough, right? That sense of always longing and lacking, which actually sends out the very energy that's not that which we want in life. And how have you overcome
all of those, not just through your incredible willpower, which is a key aspect, right? You have the ability to bias action in 3D. But what's been your journey to interdependence, to trust again, to say, β all of these things didn't happen as tragedies, but to rewrite the story as honings for the strongest deal and the hottest fire.
Kyle (41:25)
It's a great question and it's one that I...
It's one that I am constantly asking β myself,
and
It comes down to...
It's always worth it. It's always been worth it. And I
I want to trust the unfolding. want to trust the seasons of development of what is that thing? What is the part of my life? What am I learning about myself where it's the inner work?
I like to say β happiness is driven by externals and joy is driven by internals. Joy is an inside job. Joy takes flipping guts to say bad diagnosis, I'm all in. β Back surgery, I'm all in. β Lost my mom at 12, I'm all in. Rather than remaining the victim and feeling bad about myself.
and making every excuse in the book. I could tell you, I could make every excuse in the book to say, here are all the reasons why things didn't end up the way that they did. But when I look at my life at 35 years old, I would not β change absolutely anything because it has created substance in me. Now I have a ton of growth edges.
But I will tell you, when I show up, things happen. When I show up, because I know who I am. My broken, crazy, loud, rambunctious self. I know though, when I show up, things have to happen because if I could walk through all the things that I have walked through, and I could maintain a level of centeredness, maintain a level of composure,
maintain a level of here I am and I'm showing up for myself than anyone else in the world can. So I am
I'm all in.
And I'm all in on myself and I'm all in on the people around me. And I, as, as we started this thing, I want to find the co-conspirators. I want to find those that are making impossible things inevitable in their lives because they're choosing to go down to pioneer their own journey and to bring as many people to the party as possible. And that, that is where I'm at to re-spark a revolution towards connectedness of knowing who we are.
having safe spaces, to not have all the answers to have the guts to remain a student, to have, also have the guts to be a beginner at something. I'm like, what is, I'm like, β I was at a, I was at a conference a couple of weeks ago and, the speaker asked how many people in the room want to fail and no one in the room raised their hand except for me.
Well, I'm like, one, failure is a manmade concept that we've constructed in our minds. But two, if we're not failing or taking risk, then what are we doing? And so for me, I've always said, I got to trust the unfolding. I have to trust this journey of discovery. And where are the breadcrumbs? I'm a beggar trying to find the other beggars to tell them where I found a little piece of bread. That's what life is all about.
And so I have found, I've been able to find the breadcrumbs and this unfolding of my life that has been hard, that has been filled with trauma, that has been filled with grief, that has been filled with loss, but has also been filled with the most incredible life experiences, the most amazing people, the most amazing β travel around the world and building this most connected hub.
of most amazing light warriors all around the world. And it's because of the way of this nonlinear trajectory that I've been on and I wouldn't want any other way.
Curt Cronin (46:17)
I love how it's unfolding. know, the apex of choice at converting the impossible to the inevitable. You know that the moment probably most seminal to my pivot in that was August 6th of 2011 when Extortion 17 crashed. And I was so overwhelmed at the loss of all of these friends, brothers, and warriors, infinitely greater than I.
It was probably the only time in my life I was in such a deep pit. I wouldn't have gotten out myself. To me, you go into, there's that kind of the pre-tragic where everything works if I do the work. There's the tragic where now all of a sudden something occurs that was beyond all comprehension, beyond all fears. In fact, like was my greatest fear in leaving the seals is not being there with my men. And then that occurs and all of sudden, you
without my mentor and my wife, I would not have come out of that space. remember, Sensei told me specifically that...
Curt, can't make your life better, anyone else's life better by destroying your own. And that hit and I was like, okay. But then the next is probably the one sentence that was the only one that would pull me out was, if you really want to serve the memory of those men that you consider infinitely greater than you, teach others what you learned from them. You know, as you're sharing your story, that's where.
I almost got kicked out of the Naval Academy because I could not talk to the people across the table for me because I assigned no value to me. I assigned it to everyone else. I was in awe of everyone around me. We've talked about superpowers. I couldn't call any of my superpowers by name, therefore I didn't have any. Because if I couldn't own them, I couldn't use them, I couldn't serve anyone else. so adapting to share is not from.
That was not the calling was to be able to share that which I learned from others, right? And I couldn't really serve others and everything was impossible until I became clear that that was the mission, right? It was in service. And that to me has been the spark of watching things become inevitable as I believe we'll all do more for others than we will for ourselves and our superpowers show up in complete service to others. And that's where all of sudden like we can
Break through walls and do the impossible because it's in service of something greater than ourselves. And then in that coherent field, like everyone rallies to that call, right? And that's where the community comes together. Like, okay, now we have a mission that is worthy and we're all going to become infinitely bigger, better than ourselves and everywhere in service to this mission. And that to me was the through line of, as you were sharing that conversion of
of all of that heat, pain and trauma into, okay, like, I accept this and I'm now going to turn this and be an alchemist and turn it into all that darkness into light.
Kyle (49:39)
And that's where the magic lives. Truly. And it has me thinking, you know, a lot of the narrative growing up, and the shadow, this comes up every once in a while, is I became everything to everyone else and no one to myself. And now this journey...
of knowing who I am. like to say, when you know who you are, could afford to give it away. And this interesting part around curiosity being the ultimate superpower. There is a shadow side to that too. And I want to just share, because this has felt very resonant to me recently, is I am typically the person in my life that goes first.
Curt Cronin (50:38)
Yes
Kyle (50:39)
I'm the guy who goes first. I'm the first guy off the boat. I'm the first guy to jump. I'm the first guy to reach out. I am the first and I always go first. And that is not inherently bad. But if my entire identity is wrapped up in being the person who always goes first, there's some shadow work there, right? So I'm the one who asks the questions. I'm the one who shares the vulnerable story. I'm the one who names the thing in the room.
I'm the intuitive kinesthetic guy who knows exactly what someone needs in a moment. β And oftentimes I've told myself, that looks really brave. That looks really noble. And I would say, and sometimes it is, but sometimes it's strategy. And because if I go first, I set the terms. If I go first, I control the depth. If I go first, I...
manage what is being revealed in that moment. If I go first, I'm always one step ahead. And so the part that I'm living into right now is I don't want to treat people as a strategy. I don't want to treat and engage with someone as a problem to be fixed. But I have found that there is so much safety in being the opener.
and being the person who walks into a room and makes everyone feel like the most important person in the room. I, that's how I show up in the world. It's what happens. And it's this call it like this quasi like emotional preemptive strike. Cause people love the way that β we make them feel. They feel disarmed. They feel like they have permission to dream out loud. They just feel really good on the inside and people love talking about themselves. And so I,
also would say is in me going first, there's no way that you could leave me hanging because I get to, cause I back to setting the terms because I never gave you the chance to. Right. So there's cost to showing up in this way because
because of the way that I show up, I give you all my cards. Right? β There's no door to knock on because the door is already open. And it has been really hard because I have found oftentimes that I have been...
in this place of pick me. Like I want to carry around a deck of Uno Reverse cards. I've been ruminated on this idea of, just so you know, that question that I just asked, β you have permission to just tee it back. And here's a little Uno Reverse card for you. Like it's not hard to get curious. But I have found it's been really hard in that idea of being the initiator, being the most curious person in the room, that
Is someone going to have the guts and the sensitivity to knock on my door?
And it's been really hard to dismantle that narrative that nobody cares about me and that nobody's curious enough and that I'm always going to be the person who loves the most. I'm always going to be the person who shows up. If I don't initiate, I won't hear from anybody. And that is a lie because I do have friends who initiate. I do have friends that check in.
I do have friends that not only knock on the door, but kick down the door in my own life. And that is where I want to allocate my time and resources to.
Curt Cronin (54:34)
And that's where the vulnerability becomes so powerful. Because if you show up with a nuclear reactor of light and energy and love, then the assumption is you don't need it. And so everyone's happy to β bask in that energy. And the assumption is it's not needed unless you can express, hey, I need you. I've had the most challenging conversations as my life's gone increasingly chaotic, even more than normal in the last year or so.
And I've had many friends that have reached out and said, like, hey, I was going to talk to you about this thing, but I thought you were busy. And I realized I completely failed because I've chosen this life. And the goal of, you know, lots of missions is being able to discern which one is the priority. And so I realized, like, I had given off an energy that had prevented people dearest from me knowing that I was a resource for them because they had the perception I was busy. And so I...
I had to make sure like none of the priority is the humans in my life. And please, please be a friend and please call me because I don't feel like a friend if I don't get the call, right? Because I'm not, I wasn't the one that was there. β I love this, that biased action that High Agency article talked about. If you're in a third world country and you get one call, like who are you calling? Like who's the person that's going to find the way and
I realized that was it. The perception of busyness, the perception of someone not being important enough in my life that they would be able to reach out to me.
antithetical to the entire mission. so, and so, you know, crucially important to be able to create space of,
we're here for each other, right? We talked about if we're gonna build a group, if you're gonna build a community, the community should be one where we're going to all the kids' weddings, all the funerals, right? Like it's not a, it's just a here's where the level of priority that it is, cause that's where we're truly alive, where we're truly seen by others and we're truly able to see them. And that to me is the most exhilarating aspect of our humanity where we can give that head nod in the helicopter where.
my life and yours and yours and mine, you have a completely different relationship.
Kyle (56:57)
100 % and for I would say to riff on riff on this a little bit It's really important. It's been really important for me to define what is important in my life because in the fre-nettic-ness - - of our Days, I say in my days the demands on my life are at an all-time high if I don't have clearly
defined.
guardrails around what is important.
I will let what is urgent define it for me. And I do not want to live in that way. And so I have found when my life has felt void of meaning, my life has been filled with distraction. It was actually because I wasn't clear on what is important to me. And that is why having to go down the journey of knowing who I am and how I'm showing up in the world and what I actually want.
has been the key function of living in that place of constant discovery. Because I do not want to let what's urgent to define what's important. I don't want to be like, that would be the worst thing to hear. And I can't imagine how hard that was for you to hear, I didn't call you because you're just too busy. I will say, I've been told the same things. I've been told that I'm impossible to get a hold of and I'm the worst texture on the planet. Now.
In that, the flip side of that is really interesting. love the B word, boundaries. So it's this healthy, fine line. And I have found, Curt, around the boundaries piece, we'll write a book about it someday. But I have found on the boundaries piece that it's been an interesting observation that the people who have complained most
about the boundaries that I have set are the people who benefited the most from me not having any. And so it has been this wild journey of saying, I am taking my life back. I'm putting guardrails, I'm putting parameters around how I engage, especially during the day when β life can be really chaotic. I've given myself permission not to feel bad about β not responding to someone in 10 seconds, which again, when we talk about
that hero rescuer, part of my shadow self is just making, I've given my, I've given too many people too much access to my life and it has officially caught up to me. I, I, I have collapsed in the last month. Like talk about needing help. Talk about needs. would say historically, Curt, I didn't know how to spell needs. Okay. I need help. I need infrastructure. I need systems and I haven't had any.
And it sucks because it has officially caught up. It has officially caught up to me. β And I am in it right now. But it's because I've now I've clearly defined what's important to me. I've clearly defined how am I going to allocate my time? I'm going to be around β people who are additive to my life, not the net retractors. I'm going to β spend my time with people who are on mission. I want to find
because I want to accelerate and expand other people's missions. What is the thing that you were meant to do? I like to say got some friends in low places and the right friends in high places and let's collaborate and go win together. I've never been accused of thinking small. And so that's where, right, when we talk about present day, that's where things get really exciting because there are a lot of things that are happening in accelerated and expedited way because of the trust that's been built with key decision makers.
and to bring as many people to the party as possible.
Curt Cronin (1:01:00)
That's a great bridge for what's impossible now that you're making inevitable. What's your current mission? And how can our listeners connect with you to help make that inevitable?
Kyle (1:01:10)
β I'm trying to find the co-conspirators. I am and what I mean by that, I mean people, and we'll go back to this, people who are actively, I'm talking like actively engaged in their own life. They're driven by generosity. They're driven by being present with their families. They're driven by what is the next decision?
that we can make that's gonna make us the most generous? What is the next right thing that we can do for the people in front of us? And what feels impossible right now is β I've stepped into a new realm. I have lived a life of obscurity, or at least it's felt that way after.
Talking about it and hearing it mirrored back to me. I'm like well there hasn't been a lot of obscure things that have happened in life But it has felt like I've lived a life of obscurity and I've now pulled β the lever of Not being I have felt oftentimes like the plumber that was doing all the dirty work behind the scenes that if you knew me β You knew me, but if you didn't know me there was no reason to know me β whereas now β stepping into a new realm where I am
actively buying companies have a tire company, is fun. We don't have to really riff on that, but I didn't know anything about tires three months ago, and now I have a tire wholesaling company, which is really interesting. β I have been building a mental health tech company β called Kinship, which is now gonna be called Convo. Update you later on that as well. But I'm in the process of finding
β and, standing up a multifamily office. β I'm starting to see, I have a lot of connectivity in the family office space, that has accelerated over the last six to eight months, β by really key families. And I want to be able to syndicate private equity and venture capital deals and to find all of the most conscious capital around all the best families, the best originators, the best underwriters, β and.
and invest in meaningful projects and help really smart owner operators, really disruptive and innovative tech β establish a really great culture and build wealth for families. And I think that there's a large white space in the market right now. I have a lot of friends that are positioned for some significant capital events in the next 12 to 18 months because they built some really great companies.
And the thing that I'm most excited about is standing up a multifamily office for owner operators where most of their net worth is attached β to their private companies. So they may be thousandaires in the bank, but millionaires on paper. And β they assume a ton of risk, right? Because they built companies from impossible to inevitable. So they assume a lot of risk and they want access to really great deals.
And because of the trusted network that I've built over the last 12 years, I am starting to see some of the best paper in the market with some of the top investors and thought leaders in the space. And it's going to be really fun to participate. just want all of my friends' companies to be filled and participated in and get all my friends on the cap tables. I want all of my friends and their funds to be invested in by all of our friends and family offices and institutions. And I just want all of us to go win together. That's simply.
It's not hard, not reinventing the wheel, but there are too many people on this earth, too many people in my network and my sphere of influence that need to know each other. So my goal is to be the glue and to be the bridge and for everyone to become a creative to all that we're doing, define what's important, put a high demand on being generous and all going and winning together. And that's it. It's really simple, but it is impossible if we don't find the other co-conspirators.
Curt Cronin (1:05:19)
Hopefully they're listening. It's unbelievable. Thank you for the incredible gift that you are and the gift in my life. Any parting shots for our audience today?
Kyle (1:05:28)
Well, Curt, you asked me a question about a month ago and I'd love to reverse, I'd love to, to uno-reverse. It was that, it was that LinkedIn post. Someone posed the question that if, if I was sitting, if the listeners were sitting in a, in a, in a cinema watching a, light, watching a movie of your current life, what are we getting out of our chairs, screaming at the screen for you to do right now?
for you.
Curt Cronin (1:06:06)
think that you have an audience full of mirrors going, β
Drop the fear.
step into β all the calling that is in front of you and show up fully and authentically.
Kyle (1:06:26)
Yeah, it's beautiful. My parting words are for all these listeners, you are enough. You are uniquely designed. You were uniquely made for this moment. This moment is not too much for you. And give yourself permission to get into the arena, to get into the game. And I have found that it's really hard to be a contender in the arena while I cling to my seat as judge.
And we need less judgment and more engagement. And I am excited. Please reach out to me. I want to hear your story. I want to get really curious. You are, you are so worth being known and cared for. And I want to know what is the thing that you were meant to do? What is the thing in this season that feels impossible? What is the current mountain that you're summiting that, um, Edmund Hillary, I think it was 19, 1958, 1968, right?
multiple failed attempts. Edmund Hillary was the first person to summit Everest. β Multiple failed attempts. β His last failed attempt, he looked up at Everest and said, I can and I will. The only person who can get better in this equation is me. I'll be back and I can and I will. And then that next time, he summited Everest and created a pathway. I want to know in the light of Edmund Hillary,
What are the things in your life that you're, what mountains are you looking to? What impossible tasks, what impossible thing are you looking to that you could shout today, I can and I will. So thank you. Curt, it's been an honor my man.
Curt Cronin (1:08:07)
Thank you.
Curt Cronin (1:08:11)
Most people don't realize they're wearing a mask, which hides their true power without even knowing it. But the people you work with, your friends, your family, and the world need you to step into the power of your authentic self. Take our free mass assessments when cover which of the 15 masks you are unconsciously wearing that shapes your life and how you can start to break free. Start your journey at AikiPartners.com and step into the power of your authentic self.
