The Golden Child Dilemma: When Early Success Scripts Become Adult Burdens

"From the moment I could talk, I knew the expectation: be good, do well, make them proud." — Jide Oke

We rarely notice when the story begins. Often, it starts with a compliment, a smile of approval, a raised eyebrow at a misstep quickly corrected. For many of us—like Jide Oke, this week's guest on Unmasking—the "Golden Child" script is woven into our identity before we even realize we're playing a part.

Born and raised in Nigeria, Jide shared how, as the oldest of four siblings, he was handed a silent but heavy baton: excellence, responsibility, perfection. "By the time I was eight or nine," he recalled, "I had already decided I was going to be an engineer—not because I knew what it meant, but because that's what good kids say."

In families where love and pride are linked to performance, early success becomes a currency—one we learn to trade for approval, safety, and belonging. And it works, for a while. Jide graduated with honors, moved across the world to study, and even delivered his college commencement address. By all external measures, he had "won".

But there was a cost.

"Standing on that stage," he said, "there was pride, yes—but there was also a hollow ache. I'd spent so long chasing validation that I didn't know what it felt like to choose something purely for myself."

Recognizing the Script You're Living

If this story resonates, you might be living out a "Golden Child" script too. Some signs:

• You strive for perfection, not just progress.
• You feel uncomfortable when you aren't recognized for your efforts.
• You make choices based on how they'll be perceived, rather than how they align with your true desires.

The first step is awareness. As Jide shared, "One of the most healing questions I started asking myself was, 'Who am I doing this for?'"

The Hidden Costs of Staying Perfect

Unchecked, this drive can lead to:

• Chronic burnout
• Difficulty making authentic choices
• Shallow relationships based on performance, not true connection

Even in leadership roles, Jide noticed the burden of perfection showing up: "I realized I wasn't creating space for my team to breathe because I couldn't allow myself to breathe."

How to Begin Rewriting the Script

Jide’s journey toward wholeness didn’t involve abandoning excellence—but rather reimagining it through a lens of authenticity and compassion.

Here are three practices inspired by his story:

1. Shift from Outcome to Intention
   • Before starting a project or setting a goal, ask: "Is this aligned with who I want to become?" Rather than chasing external validation, ground your efforts in internal alignment.
2. Practice "Good Enough" Moments
   • Choose small areas where you can intentionally aim for "good enough" instead of perfect—like sending an email without rereading it five times. Jide credits this practice with teaching him to trust that his worth isn’t tied to flawless execution.
3. Celebrate Progress, Not Just Milestones
   • After accomplishments, pause not just to celebrate the outcome, but the resilience, creativity, and courage it took to get there. "I had to learn to validate myself," Jide said, "to say, 'I'm proud of who I am becoming,' not just what I've achieved."

You Are Not Your Achievements

The "Golden Child" script may have helped you survive, thrive, even shine. But it was never meant to be your full story.

As Jide’s journey reminds us, true success isn’t about sustaining a perfect image. It’s about embracing the messy, beautiful process of becoming—and finding freedom on the other side of the mask.

What might be possible if you stopped trying to earn your worth and started trusting it was yours all along?